Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Innocent comments go wrong, or how not to talk with your not-yet-fertile friend

What kind of campaign would take for people to become more sensitive to fertility problems? Would that ever succeed? Would it ever be better?

I feel like the victim that needs to learn how to live with insensitive comments of how it was my fault. There is nothing I can do to completely get away from them unless I stay at home and never get out again. It has gotten better since I stopped hanging out with friends with kids, but how do you handle being with family?

The other day we were at a lunch with J's family. They had all 3 kids quite frankly "too easy". Nothing against it and I'm happy for them (and for me, they have wonderful kids) but my own mother in law says she cannot relate to me as they got pregnant very easily. Anyhow, we are there and we started counting years of this and years of that. Like, we have been married this many years, and comparisons between the couples. (BIG mistake)

My husband says something like "I got married younger than you did" to his dad and, like a knife to the heart that you see coming and can't stop, his dad said "We had kids faster than you". 

...

I don't know if anyone else even noticed, as the conversation just continued, but I am still hurting, and it was quite a few days ago. I know he didn't do it out of malice, or on purpose, but it hurts. It's not like we are doing it on purpose. And how can I not feel responsible? Would J be a dad already if he were with someone else? I would like to think that no one could make him as happy as me, and I know he loves me so much he doesn't have kids as a condition of us being together, but still hurts, for me and for him.

How can you get used to it? Is it possible?