Friday, 25 July 2014

"Forget about it, just go on a vacation and it will work" or the worse advice ever

I won't go into much detail about the first time I went to a fertility clinic because it was more than 4 years ago and I hated the experience, but I can tell you the general aspects.

I remember walking in and seeing walls of baby pictures, so many of them! Of course, they are telling you they helped bring to life all these babies, "this is our product - kids - and look at all of our success". You immediately start thinking that maybe, just maybe, you will be sending one of those pictures in 10 months or so. You feel happy about the idea of displaying your kid as one more product from the clinic, and you feel proud of it!

The first consultation is scary but all you get is the doctor telling you all the tests they are going to run on you, and the one test on your male counterpart, to figure out what's going on. "We are going to help you get a baby" they say, and you put all your hopes in them. The day of your period comes and you get to call the clinic to announce it (seriously, when did I become this person calling on the phone to announce I got my period?).

A few days later starts all the poking and probing. They take your blood and do invasive ultrasounds every day. You hold your pee (this is my least favourite) while they are late for your appointment and forbid you to go to the washroom. They have baby pictures everywhere you go (encouragement!), and they smile at you while you keep repeating to yourself "this is worth it".

The moment of the truth comes. The results are in, and you have an appointment to hear what the doctor found. I had been trying for 2 years to conceive, I was ready to hear just about anything wrong with me, and to see the light at the end of the tunnel with a treatment that would make my dream come true. I'm nervous and nauseous, but it's over, the mystery is no longer going to be a mystery.

The doctor says what I think at the moment is the worst/best thing I can hear: "there is nothing wrong with you". If there is nothing wrong, what is going on?! I was prepared for bad news, not for this. How can I fix "nothing wrong"?. Little did I know the news would get worse. The doctor continues "there is nothing we need to do here, go home, forget about it, go on a vacation at a beach or something, relax and it will happen". PLOP.

Yes, the doctor said to a woman trying to get pregnant for 2 years unsuccessfully to go home and relax, that was all needed.

Let that sink in

Four years later I'm still here, trying. No longer with the same partner, no longer with the same clinic or doctor. No longer with the same mentality I had in the past. Still searching. At least I got to go to the Caribbean because the doctor ordered it ;-)