Monday, 30 March 2015

Pregnant until proven otherwise

Friday was our transfer day. I wore green socks to symbolize life, new, hope.

I had acupuncture before anything else, so it would relax me and prepare my body to receive a new little life. I also had to start drinking water so my bladder would be full at transfer time. Relax, relax, think sticky thoughts.

Our transfer was scheduled for 9:30 and they told us to be there at 9:10. As soon as we got there, I needed to change to my new outfit, A.K.A. just socks and the hospital gowns. Next the embryologist introduced himself (different to the retrieval one) and told us nonchalantly that we were transferring a good hatching embryo, one had arrested and one was being cultivated to see if it could be frozen the next day. "Please sign here" hahaha

So wait, you just told me I'm getting pregnant today with one beautiful new life my husband and me (and technically him) created, I lost one baby and one might still have a chance? Can I have one minute of "Oh my God!", translate all this to my freaking out head, and feel happy and sad at the same time? I signed, turned to J in disbelief and I think I said "we have one!", and "might still have another one!". That's all I could utter, while trying to calm myself down.

Next they walked me to the OR (everything is happening so fast!) and they started an ultrasound. My uterus, my belly, the ribs, seat down, breath, exhale, lay down again, seat down again, wow. I found out after that they had found fluid in my belly and my chest, yeay OHSS. So I'm hyperstimulating, my follicles are leaking and now I have a little bit of fluid where it shouldn't. No big deal, I feel fine, just please don't cancel the transfer, please don't cancel the transfer.

At the end they decided to go ahead. They didn't give me any pictures of my baby, but this is approximately how it would have looked on day 5.
The cells are not separated any more and can't be counted. Is one entity, one baby, one perfect mix.

They introduced a catheter and the embryologist prepared the embryo in a syringe between 2 bubbles with a thinner catheter. They then introduced the thinner catheter in the big one, and we got to see where it was placed in my uterus through the ultrasound screen. The embryo is too little to be seen in the screen, but you can follow the 2 bubbles during their journey and you know your little bubble baby is so small and light it fits perfectly snuggled in the middle.

Once the bubbles make it to the uterus, the embryologist goes back to the lab and checks the embryo is not longer in the syringe. They are very sticky so they have to make sure it sticks inside you, not outside!. After that everyone smiles, they take the catheter out, and they let you go to the washroom and home. In my case they also gave me a sheet to follow my weight, waist, liquid ingest, etc. to keep an eye on the OHSS.

I went to acupuncture again, then left J at work, went home and relaxed all day knowing that now I had our little baby inside me. I am PUPO (Pregnant until proven otherwise), pseudo-pregnant, pregnant. I have a Schrodinger's baby, it's both there and not there. I have another life inside me, maybe sticking and implanting, maybe not. It feels very weird, knowing that a pregnancy test will decide if I have been pregnant "for weeks" (positive) or never pregnant at all (negative).

That little life is inside me, there is no question about that. I keep relaxed, I pray about it, I think about it. No matter what you want to call it, it's there, and I just hope it decides to stay and grow, and I can someday meet him/her in person.

As per our little embryo being "cultivated". It made it! We have a frozen baby, a frostie, a little one inside and a little one in a freezer waiting for us. We hope to meet our little flower in the future, just hope we have to wait a year from now, meet it's older brother or sister first and then unfreeze him and give him/her a warm home.