Tuesday, 10 November 2015

The day everyone was pregnant

The header is not exactly true, it has been more like a week and a bit of it, which might make it worse because it's every single day that I hear these things.

First almost every TV show we watch had babies or little kids or pregnant women, seriously, even the first few episodes of House of Cards? Can't be safe in any show :( Then it was baby dedications at church 2 weeks in a row, and then 2 people in J's family. Yesterday to top it off we learned that someone from church too, but the cherry on top? It was the woman that told me in January that she preferred to be sick than pregnant again, yes, she is now expecting her 4th child just when the third one is learning to walk.

Now I feel like trash. Not only it is so hard for me to feel happy for them, but I also feel horrible that I feel bad about it. It's an endless cycle! Why does this happen? Why when I'm about to go into another IVF, when I am feeling so bad, when we are going through something so hard why all these pregnancies around us. Why do I have to make it about myself? I know it's easy to think that I am putting the focus on the wrong place, or that they didn't do it on purpose, I get that. Logically I get all of it, but sentimentally I am a mess.

I am so looking forward to having therapy on Wednesday, I need it, I really need it. Specially because I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, only thing missing is someone from my family to announce they are also pregnant. Any bets as to when or if it will happen?