Monday, 30 November 2015

Transfer and PUPO again

Well, last week was fun. On Wednesday the clinic eventually called and let us know that 2 of the 4 eggs had fertilized. When they called, while I was saying hello, I walked as fast as I could to J's desk and received the news with him. I lift 2 fingers to him while I heard the instructions from the clinic, hanged up and started crying. J took me to the car so I could cry as much as I needed in privacy. I cried of happiness for having some fertilized, I cried of sadness because not all fertilized. It was hard to hear that only 50% of the eggs had fertilized with ICSI, maybe the quality wasn't good, would they be able to survive until the transfer?, we wanted to transfer 3 and we didn't even get that many. It was a lot of emotions in that little moment.

After that I came back to the office and tried to survive the rest of the afternoon, which I can't remember at all. During the call they also told me the doctor wanted a day 3 transfer, so the little miracles had to survive until then, that right then was a very scary thought.

Next day they called me again (way earlier than the day before) and when the nurse said both embryos were still fine and growing I almost lost it. I was in the lunch room and I started shaking, tears in my eyes and I just told her "you made me cry". This time it was for sure of happiness, these 2 were fighters, they had already survived two whole days in the incubator, come on little guys, you can make it another day! I took my things and went back to my desk as I couldn't be in the lunch room anymore. J wasn't there and I was just desperate to tell him. When I saw him after, I just jumped at him and said "we still have two". Who would have imagined that would be such a happy phrase to say.

Friday I took the day off and J took the morning. We went to the clinic (with a full bladder, agghh, I hate it) and got prepared by the nurse. When the doctor came in he said "you still have 2 embryos" and again I almost cried. Day 3 and both of our little ones were doing so good! He said one was an excellent grade 4 quality with 8 cells, and the other one was a "not too bad" grade 3 with 6 cells. "We are going to transfer both". I was beaming, stressed, happy, relieved, nervous. The transfer went without a hitch and the doctor said "we now wait and hope".

Here we are now, waiting and hoping. Every so often I talk with them, after all, I am technically pregnant, I have 2 embryos inside me. Are they growing? Will they attach? I don't know, but the 2WW of being PUPO has started. Pregnant until proven otherwise. I am pregnant, I have 2 little embryos inside me. If this fails, it will be a lose, it technically won't count as a miscarriage, technically we will go back to saying I have never been pregnant, but technically I was pregnant already twice with our 2 embryos at Karma, and technically I am pregnant right now with 2. When do you consider the pregnancy to start? For me, it has already started and I hope I don't have to mourn again.

Today we are 3DP3DT.