I am happy we have a decision. I am happy we are taking a break and getting my body back, being able to wake up whenever I want to, being able to forget about medicines and injections. I am happy we are going to try something with a little more success rate in the future.
I am not happy it didn't work. I am not happy that we'll have to spend more money. I am not happy that we still don't know if I can get pregnant. I am not happy that I have to wait. I am not happy to tell everyone that it didn't work (so I told 2 people besides J and they can help me spread the word to the immediate family and close friends).
During my last two months this was my itinerary:
- Day 1: Call the clinic and tell them I am having my period (yeay!?)
- Day 3: Go to the clinic with a full bladder and have an ultrasound, empty bladder and have a vaginal ultrasound, get blood work done.
- Day 3 - Day 7: Take Letrozol pills every day at the same time.
- Day 6 - Day 9/10 (Until follicles are mature and oestrogen levels are good): Vaginal ultrasound, blood work and Gonal injections every day in the morning.
- Day 9/10: Inject HCG at night to induce ovulation.
- Day 10/11: Vaginal ultrasound and blood work.
- Day 11/12: (36 hours after HCG): Vaginal ultrasound, blood work, and intrauterine insemination is done.
- Day 12/13: Vaginal ultrasound and blood work
- Day 12/13 and for two weeks: Vaginal suppositories of Endometrin 3 times a day.
- Day 19/20: Blood work to check Progesterone levels.
- Day 26/27: Blood work to check for Pregnancy.
- Day 26/27 and until I get my period again: Get my negative result, decide what to do, repeat again?.
This next month: whatever we want, whenever we want it.
I don't have to worry about the food I eat, or the type of exercise I do. I don't have to worry what day it is and I won't be taking my temperature first thing in the morning every morning. I will try to forget we are trying to conceive and will enjoy our time, our health and the people and things we have. I will probably read about IVF and will still probably have a few sad moments thinking about this, but at the end: I'll go back to seeing the happy things in my life and continue walking.