Thursday, 28 August 2014

I see the light...

I see the light, and it makes me happy. After many days of crying, I can finally see the light. I don't have the answers, nothing has changed in our plans or our lives, but I can see it now.

I am finally doing what I love. Went back to the piano and even started learning Portuguese. I feel like doing things out of the house, and even clean! I don't have to wake up to go to the doctor every day, don't have to take pills and the thermometer is away in a drawer. I have no idea what day of my cycle is or if I'm ovulating. I just see the things I like to do and the people I love.

I don't see one light, I see many different possibilities. I have a safe line to a counselor anytime I need it. I have my wonderful husband that told me in those bad days that it was ok to cry, that it was ok to be sad for as long as I needed to, as long as I came back to him happy in the end. As long as I got it all out of my system in a good way, processed everything and came back to being the happy person I am, that sees the little things in life and thanks for them.

I am going back to church, taking care of my plants, cooking things that takes mixing of more than 3 ingredients, letting go of the things that didn't make me happy. Even the water of my water lilies is looking clearer, and my house is feeling more like a home than ever.

I blame it on the drugs. I do want the same things, and I will go back to the drugs if that's whats needed, but for now, I see the light and I'm happy. I can say it this time not to finish my blog in a good note or to convince myself, but with all the conviction behind it. I am happy.