Friday, 1 August 2014

Don't ask, don't tell

I have a policy with the family members that know about our fertility/infertility adventures: Don't ask.

We haven't told many people because I don't want them asking me how everything is going. I don't want too many people know month to month if a fertility treatment failed, and I don't want to be reminded of it when I am blessed with the few minutes of day of not torturing myself thinking about it.

Friends even more. Those years ago I told friends and I got too hear too many times the famous "It was really hard for me to get pregnant too, it took us 3 months!". Yeah, 3 months vs 5 years, sure, lets talk about how bad you felt during those 3 months. Or the wonderful "Oh, I wanted to have a kid in December so we planned it just right and and (s)he was born almost the day I wanted and just one week different than my niece! so now they can play together". Wow, you got to decide which month you wanted to have the baby and even coordinate with someone else. Thanks for reminding me that I probably don't know what I'm doing, because it sounds too easy and I am still trying.

So that's the new policy, "don't ask, don't tell". I know it's really hard for our parents. My mom has me calculated to the day, "how are you honey?" comes in as a text the exact days something big is happening during the treatment. And my mother in law has been more quiet but you can still see it in her eyes that she wants to know. They are supporting us, they are there for us, and I appreciate it immensely. I know I can talk with them any time I need, but for now, radio silence is more comfortable. Telling the world anonymously, at my time, when I need it, it's much better than those 2 minutes of bliss interrupted by a "how is the fertility treatment going?".

In time I'll tell.